Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
