dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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