What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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