whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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