Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
