it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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