Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
