Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
