Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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