Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
