I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
