Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
