I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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