How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
