Banned from zoo.
Again?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
