yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
