last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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