I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
