I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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