i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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