Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
