some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
