I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
