I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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