it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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