when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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