What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
