I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
