WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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