my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
