Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
