community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
