I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
