I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Found the puke drawer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
