if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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