I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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