I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize