U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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