she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
