how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
