I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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