So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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