I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
