Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she peed on how many people?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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