Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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