After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
