You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
