I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
