who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
