Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize