I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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