I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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