Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
