You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
