Sponge bath it is.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
