I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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