I think my fart just growled at me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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