wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
