I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
