ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
