I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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