I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
