He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
