So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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