her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
