i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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